Friday, November 7, 2014

17 Ways you Know your Baby is a (still adorable) Brat:

It has to be fun to raise a really naughty kid, who's able to keep you perpetually entertained. Of course, I say that without only 9 months of first hand experience but with the knowledge that I was naughty as hell as a kid (I can't vouch that I grew out of it.) However, my mother must have really wished this on me as it's payback time. My baby is one of those that is just born naughty and so far, it's been one giggle of a ride... (Though I can only anticipate how terrible the terrible twos, and probably ones and threes will be!) Here are some ways I know I'm in big trouble, and that could help give you a headsup too.

17 Ways You know Your Baby is Naughty as Anything When:

1. Your baby gets a giggle out of blowing raspberries, endlessly. Note: He is the one blowing them on me!

2. You find yourself covered in suspicious hickeys, that your spouse didn't give you.

3. Your little one giggles at his own farts, cause ofcourse he knows it's bad ! (note, I say His cause of course we girls don't have any bad gas to release!)

4. Your baby spits (not spit up, I mean projectile spit) when it's done eating .. on your face! 

Requirement: Constant entertainment

5. Your little one makes sure that you (and the bathroom) are as wet as they are when you are giving them a bath (and sitting/ standing outside the tub, mind you.)

6. Chases after your pets just so he can pull their tails, tongues, ears or even skin. (For a while this was the only thing motivating Riaan to crawl, but don't worry there's no cruelty going on under my roof- Coco has been taught to run away if I'm not able to intercept when that bratty gleam appears in my baby's eyes.)
Run Coco, Run!

7. Your baby's favorite nursing position (which ofcourse they insist on) is not football, cradle or anything you have ever heard of before, It's rocking back and forth on their belly and taking "sips" at their will. Seriously, I feel like I'm wresting an alligator. 

8. They crawl away or sit up every time you try to nurse them to sleep.

9. Your nose is the preferred teether of choice. (Feels weird without teeth, but is Chinese torture once those little ones finally come in).

10. They know how to scrunch up their faces so that we think they are about to cry. This fools me no more! But melts my heart every time.

11. Your little one knows which ear piercing scream will make you come running every single time, and uses it to their advantage.

12. They shake their head from side to side or dig their faces into their car seat, your shoulder, or the closest available surface.. all to avoid their noses from being cleaned.
Don't you dare take away my moustache!
13. Your little one makes fake poop sounds, so that you stop feeding him, and put him down to change his diaper.

14. Once mobile, they can pull things off the wall (like embedded nightlights!) no matter how firmly they are grounded in.

15. They know what no means, and may even pause when you say it, but then grin and continue to do whatever they were doing !

16. Your keyboard keys are regularly pulled off! (within seconds while you are trying to put the thing away!) 

17.  Your little brat won't sit still for a second! Even story time is now an on the go activity.

Sit, Why?

Did I mention this is my almost 9 month old? Not even a toddler yet. If you are in as much trouble as me, you have my deepest sympathies, but also delight as this is going to be one heck of a joyful ride ahead.

Try to keep in mind that your child may not be as fun if they were quiet and diligent and enjoy every moment of this, no matter what shape it takes.

I'm going to be grateful for small mercies though, like the fact that he still sleeps in his bed (and not mine), even though I have to be so insistent when he wakes up at night, to keep this up. And that I'm burning calories while chasing and even crawling after him.

More to come!

P.S. The beginning of my teething horrors are behind me, our first two pearlies have made their appearance in the last month (he woke up on the hour for weeks while they wiggled out). Only 18 more to go!

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