I'm
rarely a "my way or the highway" kind of person. Okay, let me
rephrase that, since my husband (and father, mother, brother, someday my kids)
may read this and and shake their heads no. I rarely give "my way or the
high way" kind of advice, it's always to each their own as no two
babies are alike, no two parents are alike and we should each make decisions
that are right for us and for our child. Particularly since I believe that a
big part of parenthood is about following your instincts and what is right for
your and your baby.
Weaning in itself is quite a hot-button issue even more so
when we discuss when to wean or
what to wean to, so lets put that aside for now and focus instead on how to
wean because really there are only two options - you can rip off the bandaid or
pull it off gradually (unless you wait for it to fall off, but I am assuming
here since you are reading this that you want to take some kind of control).
As I have been through both - with my son I was fortunate enough to wean
him slowly and the way I wanted to, and with my daughter, I fell really sick
(suddenly, and was hospitalised; while I pumped through my stay the chronic
meds I was put on made it difficult for me to continue to nurse - despite my
best protests) and had to wean her overnight to my pumped stash. She weaned to
my excessive frozen stash, and made it to her 1st birthday for which I am
grateful (for more on my nursing and pumping tips and how I
managed to store up 30 litres of milk click here.) However,
we had a difficult few weeks when I had to pull my cluster feeder off my chest
at 9 months old. I have coping strategies and tips on both methods listed
below, and my recommendations on what works in each scenario.
A word of advice to all mamas, regardless of whether your
child feeds a few minutes a time a few minutes a day or hours at a time like
mine did, remember to prioritise yourself. It's a very slippery slope,
particularly while nursing. And I too am of the thinking that the babies come
first and all else can wait and to some extent that is and always will be true
- but you also need to make sure that you are getting a certain amount of sleep
and a certain amount of support from your spouses or someone around you. The
reason I had to wean my daughter was chronic migraines (and the preventive
medication for this is a horrible anti-seizure medication), one of us is lucky
I was OCD about storing away milk and so she made it to her birthday on
breastmilk (I am not sure who it is yet because that was my goal and a burden
that I had put on myself, somewhat that we as moms do, with keeping up with mom
pressures and mom guilt, so, let's let some of that go, and do the best that we
can to our abilities and our capabilities, while still keeping ourselves sane,
healthy and most importantly happy - I have learned this the hard way.
THE RIGHT WAY TO WEAN (FOR YOU):
(For
common hopes and fears on weaning, and reasons to wean/ how to
know you are ready to move on, click here.)
Regardless
of how you wean you should know that,
1. Adjustment
issues: are completely normal. If your child is anything like mine
he or she may be pulling up your shirt and giving you hickeys for weeks to
come. Or biting on your shoulder, or worse still - screaming at you until you
just feel terribly guilty. But their memories are short lived at this point,
and they will forget, they will move on, and they will adjust, as will you.
2. Prepare
backup: Whether you are weaning overnight or gradually, you are
going to need help. Your child is likely to not want to take a cup from you
when the (likely engorged/ leaking) alternative is right there (and trust me,
they can smell this and are going to be trying to go for it. So make sure
your significant other, mother, helper or someone is on standby to give them a
sippy cup when they are refusing to take it from you.
3. Sippy
cup: Yes, I said Sippy cup, not bottle. Or better yet (and this
really is a better option) is a straw bottle since it sends milk straight to
the back of the mouth instead of having it go through the children's teeth
first. These help break the association with the breast, and so once ready to
wean, begin to move your child to a Sippy cup or straw bottle and get them used
to drinking milk from something other than a plastic nipple bottle. It takes a
few days (and even nights), and the right bottle is no easy task - we travelled
to New York on holiday just after I had to wean my daughter (yes in my
post-hospitalized state), and kept trying new bottles, each day to find our
belongings soaked in milk, because of all the leaky and defective bottles we
tried, trying to find the right straw, easy to drink and leak free bottle (The
Philips Event was the right answer for us).
4. Quantity
of milk: How much milk to give will just depend on how much your child
wants. We started the first feed with 4 ounces and then adjusted accordingly.
Sometimes they finished a little less and sometimes they wanted little more (my
daughter is never satisfied with 4 and needs 6, when my son was usually happy
with 4). They have both always been on demand and have dictated their own
quantities. Keep in mind that cows milk and formula tend to be heavier than
breast milk so do not be surprised if your child is consuming much less than
they previously did.
5. Bonding: The most
common weaning fear is about your bond with your child and if it will ever be
the same again. Yes, yes a million times yes. Someone told me recently that
breast fed babies are always closer and most bonded to their mothers than their
fathers (or any other member of the household). I do not know if this is true
scientifically as my babies are breastfed and I have nothing to compare this
to, but perhaps this is true, as both my kids could be stuck to me like glue
the entire day and not see the need to be separated from my body at all
(seriously, my 3 and a half year old son could happily still spend his entire
day in my lap and have no issues with that whatsoever). Do not worry about
bonding with your child just because they are no longer physically attached to
you, if you are the kind of parent who has this worry, you are also the
kind of parent who will make sure to make an effort to find other ways to bond
with your child (and you can eventually cuddle during "sippy cup
time" though it's much faster and more efficient).
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| I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss this........ |
6. Your
body and appetite: will soon feel normal again. Okay not
soon, but eventually. Nursing hunger is real and if you did not believe it
while nursing you will suddenly realise it now when you realise that you really
are a little less hungry. Do not expect to feel normal overnight, it will take
you a little while to realise that you no longer have to lift your t shirt up
on demand for anyone but yourself, and your body is now your own after a really
long time (I'm adding 9 months to however long you have nursed!). Go have a
drink and celebrate.
Gradual Weaning:
If
you are going to wean your child gradually, and have time (and patience) to
take it slow, the steps below will help you figure out how to go about it. I
went about gradual weaning with my son and the steps below worked beautifully
for us.
7. Plan
ahead: Have a plan about how you want to do this, it doesn't have
to be a written plan but something that accommodates you, your needs, and your
babies needs. It also needs to take into account whether you have frozen milk
or not, whether you are weaning to pumped milk, cows milk, formula, or
something else.
8. To
stock up or not to: If you are still able to pump, or have been
pumping, considering whether you want to pump after you wean (I'm not sure why
you would want to, but some people do - it depends on the age of your child and
why you are weaning, so I'm putting the option to you), or whether you want to
pump a lot now and store it, if you haven't done that already, now is a last
chance to do so because once you start the weaning process your supply is going
to start dropping extremely fast.
9. Drop
one feed at a time: I dropped one feed a week, you can go as
slowly as that, or even slower, but that's a pace that worked for me. We
started weaning at 10 months of age, were done weaning at 11 months (and then
he had frozen milk for another couple weeks). Riaan was having about 4 set
feeds from me at 10 months and I dropped one a week, over a period of a month,
and replaced it with a Sippy cup initially, and then a straw cup with pumped
milk. He took it from me fortunately (unlike his sister).
10. Last
to go: The last feed you should drop is the one in the middle of
the night. Not only because it is the hardest for your baby to let go of, but
also because it's the most work for you and everyone around you. Some times,
your little one drops this feed themselves because they don't need it (my son
did - it's a unicorn sort of thing but it does happen), he would get up
straight at 6 am and ask for his milk and that was that. My daughter - perhaps
because she wasn't weaned this gentle way, not so easy. How to drop this feed?
Replace it, and have someone else replace you and give this feed in a bottle
outside your room or in a different spot from where you normally nursed.
11. Drying
up: With gradual weaning, since you are dropping one feed a week, you
are slowly drying up as you drop each feed (unless you are pumping out the feeds
you are dropping), if you do not wish to remain engorged when you finally stop,
try not to pump at all. Stop pumping once you start weaning so that your bodies
dries up with the weaning process and it is a natural and painless process for
you. It will be, if it is done slowly and gradually.
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| It's all about comfort.. Courtesy @mommydiaries |
Overnight weaning:
I'll
be straight with you, mamas, this is the harder path to tread. It is more
painful for you as you are more engorged and more painful for your little one
as it takes more adjustment on their path. It also takes more strength, more
tears and more courage not to give in. So while you think you are ripping off a
bandaid, you may need one to cover your own wounds (don't worry about wounding
your little ones, their memories are short lived and they will forget the
things you remember.) So while the process sounds quick and
"overnight," titles can be deceiving.
12. Alternate
milk: Overnight weaning is often not planned and is something that
many are forced to do circumstantially, due to illness, sudden travel, or a
drastic supply drop. If you have a good pumped supply - this is when it comes
in handy! If not, please don't beat yourself up, instead cut yourself some
slack, you have made it this far, and quickly talk to your pediatricians about
what you can offer your child instead. If they are 1 year old it is safe to
move to cows milk or another form of dairy, if they are under 1, a formula is
needed. Whatever the option - take a moment to absorb this (it took a while for
me to really get it) you are no longer the cow that needs to be milked!
13. Move
yourself away at night: I cannot stress this enough, you will need
to get yourself away from your baby. It actually helped that I was in hospital
and not around my child for 3 nights because she got used to taking a bottle at
night and getting milk in the night from someone who isn't me. This is
basically what helps the most (and actually, even 27 years ago what
helped my mom with my brother who she till date says was a "breast addict"
- sorry bro, it's out there). You will have to exit the room, mama, or sleep in
another room from your baby for a few nights (2-3 nights though it really feels
like longer at that point). I traveled with my little ones soon after that
(don't ask how, it's all an exhausting blur), and she could still smell the
milk on me and was trying to feed, but then would take the bottle from me, and
was not as insistently going for my chest as the initial association had been
broken.
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| Move away to avoid this! |
14. Drying
up: is not easy if you are nursing around the clock (with no
weaning schedule) and have to suddenly stop overnight. You are likely to be
engorged and it is extremely painful. Even sleeping is difficult because you
cannot turn on either side and initially are a leaky mess. You cannot pump, please
do not - it will only make things worse because you are actually increasing
your supply. The only thing you are allowed to do, that will not increase your
supply is hand pump. However, I found it too painful to touch any part of my
chest. What does help (yes, there are things that do help) are cold compresses
with cabbage (ice helps too but not as much) - yes really - hold cabbage
against your chest, and go braless under a thin t-shirt (the cabbage actually
gives out some extract that helps you dry up, there are creams made from
cabbage extract that help you dry up so if you can get your hands on Cabocreme
or something of the sort that's even better - I did not have access to it while
I was going through it unfortunately only found out about it's existence in the
US after). There is actually a tablet to help you dry up though you have
to take it once a day for a week (I got relief after day 5, your OB/ GYN will
be able to prescribe this tablet).
15. Let
go of the guilt: If you have to weaning overnight it is likely
that you are not weaning the way you planned to and for me, this came with a
lot of guilt. Even though I had 30 litres of milk stored up, and I knew that my
daughter could likely make it to her 1st birthday on pumped frozen milk (she
made it literally to her birthday and was introduced to new milk the day she
turned 1). Inspite of the fact that for 9 months I would wake up before
her to pump and stay up after her dream feed to pump and make sure I had stashed
away enough for the day, and this is even though she would some times feed up
to 9 hours in a day. I still felt guilty that I could not offer her the comfort
that she got from my body because her human pacifier was taken away from her
(not physically but just the benefit of me being a human pacifier was taken
away though I was there in all capabilities but one). And that is what we do to
ourselves as mothers sometimes. So I repeat mamas, don't hold on to the
guilt, you have done all you can for your little ones, now focus on you and let
it go.
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| Yet another reason to wean (and another one from @mommydiaries) |
Hope that helps mamas!
P.s. Follow along on Instagram if you arn't already! I have a lot more exciting stuff in store for you and constant updates on my insta stories, and many giveaways that are often open to followers Internationally!
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Tons more to come!
-TKV
